21 Things you never say to a policeman

1. Hold my beer while I get you my license and registration.

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you that guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must have been doin' at least 120 mph to keep up with me . . . !

5. Excuse me...is stick up hyphenated?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a cop!

7. I almost decided to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

8. Bad cop! No donut!

9. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

10. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

11. Didn't I see you get whipped up on in COPS?

12. Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's night stand.

13. Is it true that people become cops because they're too dumb to work at McDonald's?

14. Just remember ... I pay your salary!

15. So, uh, like, uh, you on the take, or what?

16. Gee, Officer...that's terrific...the last officer only gave me a warning too!

17. No ... I figured that you knew why you pulled me over.

18. I was trying to keep up with traffic. I was just trying to catch up with them..

19. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist you tell me if I have or not.

20. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

21. Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 Magnum.