Application to date my daughter

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a certified financial statement, income tax returns, job history, and current medical report from your doctor. Please be prepared to submit additional information, such as psychological profile and polygraph test, as requested.

Name _____________________________________________________________________

Home Address _____________________________________________________________

City__________________________ ST______ ZIP _________ Country_____________

Phone_________________ FAX________________ E-Mail_________________________

Date of Birth ______________ Place of birth ______________________________

Social Security # _____________________Driverís license # ________________

Grade Level _________________IQ____________________GPA____________________

Church affiliation? ____________________ How often do you attend? ________

Employer?_____________________________________________Wage________________

Best time to interview;

Your Parents? ____ Your Pastor? __________ Your Employer? _______________

Have you ever been fingerprinted?_________________________________________

Had a DNA sample taken & recorded? _______________________________________

Are you biological parents still married and living together ?____________

If not, explain___________________________________________________________

Do you have an earring, any body piercing or tatoo? ______________________

(If you answered YES to the above discontinue application and leave at ONCE!)

On seperate pieces of paper please answer the following questions;
Use as much paper as you feel necessary
What does "LATE" mean to you?
What does "DONíT TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
What does "Abstinence" mean to you?
The one thing I hope this application does not ask about me is:
A Womanís place is in the:
My greatest fear is:
When I meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is:

*Note:If your answer begins with a T or A, discontinue and LEAVE AT ONCE, keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion, for your own safety.

Certification of accuracy by applicant:

I swear all information above is true and correct to the best of my knowledge, under penalty of death, dismemberment, Chinese water torture, and red hot pokers.

______________________________________________________

Signature

If you have to ask what any of this means, you are a MORON, so tear up this application and leave immediately!

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write. If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties, and carrying violin cases.(You might watch your back!)