Performance Reviews

These are actual lines from a company's performance reviews!

This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.

Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

A gross ignoramous--144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

He certainly takes a long time to make his point less.

He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier.

I would like to go hunting with him sometime.

He's been working with glue too much.

He would argue with a sign post.

He has a knack for making strangers immediately.

He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.

When his I.Q. reaches 50, he should sell.

If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one.

A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.

A prime candidate for natural deselection.

Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.

The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

He has two brains: one is lost, and the other is out looking for it.

If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.

If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.

One neuron short of a synapse.

Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.

Takes him 1.5 hours to watch 60 Minutes.

The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.