Perfomance Evaluations

If you work for a big company, you know what it's like when you get your performance review - telling you how great or how lousy you performed. If you are a student, it's sort of like grades with lots of comments. But what do these terms really mean? Here is a version that is probably quite close to the truth.

Average Employee: Not too bright.

Exceptionally Well Qualified: Made No Major Blunders, Yet.

Active Socially: Drinks a lot

Family Active Socially: Spouse drinks, too.

Character Above Reproach: Still one step ahead of the law.

Zealous Attitude: Opinionated

Quick-Thinking: Offers plausible excuses.

Plans For Advancement: Buys drinks for all the boys.

Uses Logic On Difficult Jobs: Gets someone else to do it.

Expresses Themselves Well: Speaks in full sentences.

Meticulous A nit picker.

Good Judgement: Lucky.

Career-Minded: Back-stabber.

Coming Along Well: About to be let go.

Of Great Value To The Organization: Gets to work on time.

Relaxed Attitude: Sleeps at desk regularly.

Work Is First Priority: Too ugly to get a date.

Independent Worker: Nobody knows what he/she does.

Forward Thinking: Procrastinator.

Great Presentation Skills: Able To BS alot.

Good Communication Skills: Spends lots of time on phone.

Loyal: Can't get a job anywhere else.

Keen Sense Of Humor: Knows a lot of jokes.