The Inspector of Bolts

There dwelt in the city of Manch an inspector in a turbine factory, and his chief spake unto him saying, "Lo, there is in the wilderness of Traff, a maker of bolts, and he has made two score and five special bolts. They be Super Dooper bolts and great is the tensile strength thereof, that they may fit from the top of the cylinder casing even unto the bottom. Get thee hence and inspect them. And take micrometer and things, that thou shalt gauge them to within the wideness of a certain part of the gnat. For I say unto thee, if thou shalt release them and they're found wanting, then I will tear a strip off thee. Yea, if the bolts be not properly inspected, will I cause a great misfortune to fall upon thee."

And the inspector, who was a sound bloke spake thus, "O.K. chief. That which is asked for by drawing and specification shall be done." And then he departed and journeyed unto the maker of the bolts, who spake saying, "Here they are Charlie. Want a sixinshrool?"

But the inspector, chided him saying, "Before I measure them, command your servants and your handmaidens, that they may deliver unto me all the paper works thereunto." Then there were carried unto him one hundred and fifty-nine scroll, which were the release notes and test certificates for the raw materials, and the M.S.L. certification of the firey furnance in which they did heat treat the bolts, and the calibration charts for the hardness machine in which they did test the bolts, and a host of Certificates of Accuracy for the tensile and Izod machines in which they did test and smite the test pieces. And there was also brought to him a dog license, a copy of a factories act and a Pool's coupon, which were included amongst the papers in error. And they delivered unto him also many M.S. L. certificates relating to the Wickman Gauges used upon the bolts. There were also Certificates of Chemical Analysis and Radiological Reports and Inspection Reports and many other reports of strange and wonderful things of which no one knew the meaning. And they brought a copy of the purchase order and a set of the drawings and a pyrometer record chart which was fifty cubits in length and a multitude of other things too numerous to recite.

For twelve days the Inspector looked upon these things and on the twelfth day he said they were good. Then did he measure the bolts, and did he measure the bolts, and all the demensions thereof according to Hoyle. And he put them in stange positions and tested them upon a machine fo Magnaflux. And he performed Rockwells upon them all and some he rubbed with a jewel. Then he cast his eye upon them through a microscope, a telescope, a periscope, a stroboscope and other devices. And he did project the threads upon a screen and gazed upon their form and it was fair. And he gauged the threads by the law of Go and Nogo. And from one bolt which seemed doubltful he did cause a test piece to be made and great was the tensile strength thereof and Izod and elongation were fair to behold. Then he caused X-rays to shine upon them them lest there be concealed weevils inside them. These things and many others which are in the Sacred Book which did he perform with great cunning.

And when all these things had come to pass, it was the evening of the nineteenth day and he made out a release note and described therein all the necessary details. And he signed it and put his stamp upon it and upon the bolts also. Dispatch them to the turbine factory, and if they bounce, then I shall catch them without salt.

And lo, it came to pass that they were all rejected for they had been fashioned from an obsolete issue of the drawing.