Parents' dictionary

AMNESIA - condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.

DUMBWAITER - one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FAMILY PLANNING - the art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

FEEDBACK - the inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME - what you call your child when you're mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS - the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

HEARSAY - what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

IMPREGNABLE - a woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT - how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

OW - the first word spoken by children with older siblings.

PRENATAL - when your life was still somewhat your own.

PUDDLE - a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

SHOW OFF - a child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE - what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

TOP BUNK - where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

TWO-MINUTE WARNING - when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL - able to whine in words

WHODUNIT - none of the kids that live in your house